#2003 Getting out when it’s hard

This happened last year in lockdown as well.

I went from days when I was all “I am managing, I am surviving, hell I am even a tiny bit killing this ‘work-from-home, home-schooling, balancing all of life while remaining optimistic, hopeful and grateful for the little things in life’ thing.”

And then just as quickly a day would come when I was all ‘I HATE EVERYTHING AND EVERYTHING SUCKS.’

Well that was me today. All of the above.

I’ve been sick, so I of course I woke countless times with blocked nose, runny nose, I was hot, and I just kept tossing and turning, tossing and turning, tossing and turning, tossing and turning.

Then there was the neighbour’s dog. God help me this dog. I have no problems with dogs. I have problems with dogs that do not stop barking EVER. This dog has a routine, which makes me think it’s owner has one where they leave the house for exactly the same time every day… the dog will start barking sometime after 8:30am, and will go on for at least 2 hours, uninterrupted.

UNINTERRUPTED.

When I’m up early and taking baby girl to school, well it’s still noise pollution let’s be frank, but it doesn’t affect my time in the house so much.

This morning though, after a sleepless night, and then finally falling asleep, only to then be woken by said annoying dog?

OMG.

And it stopped, of course, with 10 minutes to spare before I had to wake up and get baby girl ready for a school zoom call. πŸ€¦β€β™€οΈ

I woke cranky, tired. My nose alternating between blocked and runny. I saw there were 20 new covid cases today. That made me especially sad, thinking of another lockdown birthday.

Everything was sad, everything was bad. Sad, bad, sad, bad.

But after lunch, I decided I had to snap out of it.

Baby girl and I headed down to the Main Street to grab a takeaway coffee and babycino, some treats, and then walked on down to the park.

It was a tiny bit sunny, mostly blowy, but man that wind knocked some sense into me, you know, ruffled me up and wisened me up in the best way.

Guys, if you’re feeling low, don’t be hard on yourself. This time of our lives is like nothing we have ever experienced, and honestly, just give yourself a change of scenery. Go outside. Take a walk, rug up in a jacket, and breathe.

Something as truly simple as that, might be the key to help you get by, another moment, of another day…

And on and on and on, ’til we come out the other end. πŸ’ͺ

#2000 Woo hoo!

I’ve made it to 2000 posts!

I considered some time ago throwing in the towel for this gratitude blog, just because I felt I had done what I set out to do.

That is, I now know how to practice gratitude daily in novel ways.

But a part of me feels like I’m not done in this area, not yet anyway.

So for now, I’ll keep going. πŸ’ͺ

How did I celebrate my blog milestone today? Well after not being sick all winter, my body went ‘stuff this’ and threw in its own towel today. πŸ™„

Enter panadol and tea.

But in true gratitude, glass half-full fashion, I made chicken soup, and Marion’s hoisen beef noodles, and I’m happy that I made some food for my body (and soul) that’ll hopefully get me back into tip-top shape.

There’s always worse out there to put your own woes in perspective, and remember, there’s always better waiting for you. ❀❀

#1727 Day 229 of getting there: My old Creek friends

I’ve spent the last few months, both covid and life induced, getting re-acquainted with old loves.

Old TV shows. Old friends.

Just recently, something dropped on Netflix.

Sure, I have the ENTIRE DVD BOX SET at home.

But with our DVD player playing up, I kinda have to depend on Netflix for going back in time…

Today, feeling sorely and under the weather, I happily lapped up Dawson’s and friends!

That is, Dawson, Joey, Pacey and Jen. But I bet you knew that, because I bet you’ve watched it too, right?

I don’t know if this is just a ‘me’ thing, a ‘SmikG’ thing, but I watch and read things, and am usually casually without much effort, heavily critiquing and analysing the plot/characters/conflicts/dramas etc.

(You too? πŸ™„πŸ€£)

So while I was happily enjoying the walk down memory lane tonight with Season 1 ep 1…

I was noticing the strong teenage themes already present in Scene 1.

Scene 2 grabs you when, well a seeming ‘monster’ grabs Joey from her sunning position on the deck, and pulls her into the water.

Cue, ‘ok, Dawson is a budding film-maker.’

Then, HELLO! Blonde girl arrives, grabbing Dawson’s (and our attention).

And there within the first few scenes, we know that Joey is secretly crushing on Dawson, he’s crushing on Jen, Jen has some weird thing going on at her grandma’s along with her mysterious past, and Pacey has set his sights on some new older woman in town who turns out to be his teacher…

And throw in some coming-of-age themes, lots of sex talk (cue Dawson walking in on his parents doing it on the coffee table) and suspicions of extra-martial affairs, and you have a hell of a lot of drama and conflicting intentions happening there!

Welcome to my film school. This all happens so naturally in my head.

Not taking notes. Really I’m not…

Anyway, I love these guys. And I’m excited about getting back to my creek roots.

#1696 Day 198 of getting there: facing fears

Today I fully accepted something that I’ve been avoiding for a while.

I’m finally accepting, and facing my fears.

Really, there is no other way. When something grabs hold of you and forces you to take notice, you HAVE to take notice.

Enough. Face the music. Move on. Get it over with.

I’m gonna be a bit quiet over here while I deal with everything. I’ll try to post something on this blog, but some days it might be a few words, other days a photo.

I’m still going to show up. I’m still going to try. I just need to work things out for a little while, and when it’s all over…

πŸ™πŸ’–πŸ™πŸ’–

I’m just praying for that day to come sooner rather than later.

#1610 Day 112 of getting there: okay with nothing

I’ve trained myself to always be productive.

And I’m so skilled at it, it’s engrained in my system.

I almost, can’t be unproductive… ever.

As soon as I have a spare moment… “What can I do?”

Or,

“What should I do?”

I’ve come to learn the value of taking it easy though. To step back from responsibilities, work, go-go-go, the coulda woulda shoulda mentality.

So today while not feeling the best, I embraced the art of nothing wholeheartedly.

I did nothing.

There was no “oooh, I’ll just whip this up”

“I’ll wash this”

“Better tidy that”

“I should catch up on that”

“I really need to read that.”

Nothing. None of it. I was on the couch watching 4 eps of Riverdale…

I stepped into the back yard…

I uploaded some photos…

That’s it. The extent of my nothingness.

The difference between today’s nothing, and other forced days of nothing, was that I didn’t feel any guilt about it.

So often we’re taught that to not do something, means we are somehow failing. We’re being inefficient, unproductive, wasting time, throwing life down the drain as it were.

But to wear ourselves down to the ground is not conducive to leading a happy life.

Days of nothing are absolutely necessary.

And the fact that I’m feeling less guilt about it, is progress. πŸ’ͺ

#1558 Day 60 of getting there: the kite

You see, we kind of think we know everything as parents.

Sure, we kinda do. We are the older ones, experienced ones, mature ones, and the responsible ones.

But it doesn’t necessarily mean we know what’s best, ALL the time.

This afternoon baby girl wanted to fly her kite. That is all. In 14 degree, wind-less weather, she wanted to run outside, in the biting cold, and run around.

I said NO.

She was still coughing. Albeit not as much as me, but it was still there. She still had snots, occasionally coming out of her nose.

With school’s return so close around the corner, I wasn’t having it.

She kicked up a fuss and stormed off into her room. I let her cool off for a bit before I went in, starting to second-guess myself.

“Hey… what about 5 minutes only?”

She RAN.

And I watched her. I watched her run up and down the yard, the speed forcing the kite in the otherwise still air to rise up.

Up and down, up and down, up and down.

She was puffing after her 16th attempt. And I realised in that moment…

We don’t always know it all. Sure we have reasons why we do, and say, what we do, and say…

But sometimes it’s as simple as…

She KNOWS. She knows what she needs.

And the girl, needed to run.

#1549 Day 51 of getting there: a horizontal sunset

Today was a long day.

I worked from home.

But I was aching.

When I finished, I skipped the schoolwork I so diligently helped baby girl with each and every day.

I lay on the couch.

She piled blankets and cushions upon me.

And I lay there through countless bold and the beautiful eps.

My back cramped. My arms and legs were achy from the odd position.

My feet just wouldn’t warm up.

So I went upstairs.

Jumped under the doona…

and fixed my gaze outwards.

IMAG6824

Now this wasn’t my exact view tonight, because I was too damn unwell to get my phone and take a snap, obviously.

But it was the same balcony. The same chairs outside.

The same window.

The sky wasn’t so pink… it was more golden.

Fading into the night.

The clouds were spotty and rugged, like a carpet across the sky…

slowly… slowly… moving.

You wouldn’t have thought it, not unless you were watching them. But sure enough, minute by minute, the sky changed. It grew dimmer. The clouds shifted.

The cycle of nature that we know too well, was acting in accordance.

Mother Nature. Our natural certainty. No matter what else is going on, we can depend on her to bring us light, allow darkness to fall when the world needs rest, and show us her moods through the sunshine that beams down on our faces, to the rain that patters gently on the rooftops, and the wind that can howl and take down trees.

She is definitive.

And I lay there, watching the sunset come down upon me on this angle, reminded once again that there is so much world…

And so little, US.

Perspective. β™₯

#1492 Turn to simple things in times of stress

Seriously… this stuff can’t be written.

Though you could maybe imagine a great sci-fi book running along the lines of –

“mega virus spreads across the globe, sending people into a panic as more and more towns, cities and countries self-isolate, close borders, cancel all events and people go mad buying EVERYTHING in the shops.”

Yep, you could imagine that on a book’s blurb.

But not the toilet paper. No one could EVER have foreseen the toilet paper.

It truly does feel like a very weird dream. So unbelievably surreal.

I sway from ‘this can’t be happening,’ to ‘oh f*^$ I don’t want to use public transport tomorrow.’

Everyone and everything is coming to a halt. Forcibly. Never have I witnessed such a thing, and the unpredictability of the beast has us all scratching our heads, yelling out loud, or running around like chickens with their heads chopped off.

I was happy then, to try and make life normal today… if only a bit.

One of those things was being a parent helper at baby girl’s school. I know, I know. Even Hubbie was like – “wash your hands well after.”

It was something I promised long ago, and not being at work today, made me all the more available for the reader-helper task.

Baby girl was rapt. Soooo rapt. I wandered into her class at the end of the day and listened to first her, and a few other kids read to me.

It was so beautiful. The simplistic nature of the task, helping them sound things out, listening to the rhythm in their voice, and just being in the presence of such innocent and naΓ―ve natures, made me feel like slowing down, in the best way possible.

But they are so honest aren’t they. One boy who finished reading for me randomly said at the end “Mum said we have to be careful of coronavirus.”

Oh F*%&. Yeah, Mum’s right.

The best thing though, was having my girl read to me. She was beyond excited to have me in her class. And although I don’t know how much my other commitments will allow me to visit the classroom in future, baby girl, whether by coincidence or not, made her sentiments pretty clear through the book she chose to read to me today…

“Mummies are Amazing.” β™₯

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#1490 You can always rely on breakfast

What do we do at this time of world uncertainty, unease, lack and limitation, fear and even some would say, global crisis?

Why, you breakfast.

Now, that’s not to downplay anything anyone in the world may be going through in relation to this coronavirus bug spreading. It’s affecting a number of people significantly, yet it hasn’t reached an even larger proportion of people out there.

And let’s hope it doesn’t.

But there has been so much confusion and uncertainty surrounding what to do.

How serious is this virus?

Should we be worried?

Is this all going to blow over before we know it?

And as people fight for toilet paper in the supermarket shelves, clear the aisles of all tinned food, and start to self-quarantine, there is one thing that will never change.

We will always need to eat breakfast.

And what’s better than catching up with some loved ones over such a meal, for a bit of heart and happiness, while everything else around us goes crazy.

It is the most important meal of the day. You might as well start it off right.

Hopefully it makes everything else right. β™₯

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