#1610 Day 112 of getting there: okay with nothing

I’ve trained myself to always be productive.

And I’m so skilled at it, it’s engrained in my system.

I almost, can’t be unproductive… ever.

As soon as I have a spare moment… “What can I do?”

Or,

“What should I do?”

I’ve come to learn the value of taking it easy though. To step back from responsibilities, work, go-go-go, the coulda woulda shoulda mentality.

So today while not feeling the best, I embraced the art of nothing wholeheartedly.

I did nothing.

There was no “oooh, I’ll just whip this up”

“I’ll wash this”

“Better tidy that”

“I should catch up on that”

“I really need to read that.”

Nothing. None of it. I was on the couch watching 4 eps of Riverdale…

I stepped into the back yard…

I uploaded some photos…

That’s it. The extent of my nothingness.

The difference between today’s nothing, and other forced days of nothing, was that I didn’t feel any guilt about it.

So often we’re taught that to not do something, means we are somehow failing. We’re being inefficient, unproductive, wasting time, throwing life down the drain as it were.

But to wear ourselves down to the ground is not conducive to leading a happy life.

Days of nothing are absolutely necessary.

And the fact that I’m feeling less guilt about it, is progress. 💪

#1558 Day 60 of getting there: the kite

You see, we kind of think we know everything as parents.

Sure, we kinda do. We are the older ones, experienced ones, mature ones, and the responsible ones.

But it doesn’t necessarily mean we know what’s best, ALL the time.

This afternoon baby girl wanted to fly her kite. That is all. In 14 degree, wind-less weather, she wanted to run outside, in the biting cold, and run around.

I said NO.

She was still coughing. Albeit not as much as me, but it was still there. She still had snots, occasionally coming out of her nose.

With school’s return so close around the corner, I wasn’t having it.

She kicked up a fuss and stormed off into her room. I let her cool off for a bit before I went in, starting to second-guess myself.

“Hey… what about 5 minutes only?”

She RAN.

And I watched her. I watched her run up and down the yard, the speed forcing the kite in the otherwise still air to rise up.

Up and down, up and down, up and down.

She was puffing after her 16th attempt. And I realised in that moment…

We don’t always know it all. Sure we have reasons why we do, and say, what we do, and say…

But sometimes it’s as simple as…

She KNOWS. She knows what she needs.

And the girl, needed to run.

#1549 Day 51 of getting there: a horizontal sunset

Today was a long day.

I worked from home.

But I was aching.

When I finished, I skipped the schoolwork I so diligently helped baby girl with each and every day.

I lay on the couch.

She piled blankets and cushions upon me.

And I lay there through countless bold and the beautiful eps.

My back cramped. My arms and legs were achy from the odd position.

My feet just wouldn’t warm up.

So I went upstairs.

Jumped under the doona…

and fixed my gaze outwards.

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Now this wasn’t my exact view tonight, because I was too damn unwell to get my phone and take a snap, obviously.

But it was the same balcony. The same chairs outside.

The same window.

The sky wasn’t so pink… it was more golden.

Fading into the night.

The clouds were spotty and rugged, like a carpet across the sky…

slowly… slowly… moving.

You wouldn’t have thought it, not unless you were watching them. But sure enough, minute by minute, the sky changed. It grew dimmer. The clouds shifted.

The cycle of nature that we know too well, was acting in accordance.

Mother Nature. Our natural certainty. No matter what else is going on, we can depend on her to bring us light, allow darkness to fall when the world needs rest, and show us her moods through the sunshine that beams down on our faces, to the rain that patters gently on the rooftops, and the wind that can howl and take down trees.

She is definitive.

And I lay there, watching the sunset come down upon me on this angle, reminded once again that there is so much world…

And so little, US.

Perspective. ♥

#1492 Turn to simple things in times of stress

Seriously… this stuff can’t be written.

Though you could maybe imagine a great sci-fi book running along the lines of –

“mega virus spreads across the globe, sending people into a panic as more and more towns, cities and countries self-isolate, close borders, cancel all events and people go mad buying EVERYTHING in the shops.”

Yep, you could imagine that on a book’s blurb.

But not the toilet paper. No one could EVER have foreseen the toilet paper.

It truly does feel like a very weird dream. So unbelievably surreal.

I sway from ‘this can’t be happening,’ to ‘oh f*^$ I don’t want to use public transport tomorrow.’

Everyone and everything is coming to a halt. Forcibly. Never have I witnessed such a thing, and the unpredictability of the beast has us all scratching our heads, yelling out loud, or running around like chickens with their heads chopped off.

I was happy then, to try and make life normal today… if only a bit.

One of those things was being a parent helper at baby girl’s school. I know, I know. Even Hubbie was like – “wash your hands well after.”

It was something I promised long ago, and not being at work today, made me all the more available for the reader-helper task.

Baby girl was rapt. Soooo rapt. I wandered into her class at the end of the day and listened to first her, and a few other kids read to me.

It was so beautiful. The simplistic nature of the task, helping them sound things out, listening to the rhythm in their voice, and just being in the presence of such innocent and naïve natures, made me feel like slowing down, in the best way possible.

But they are so honest aren’t they. One boy who finished reading for me randomly said at the end “Mum said we have to be careful of coronavirus.”

Oh F*%&. Yeah, Mum’s right.

The best thing though, was having my girl read to me. She was beyond excited to have me in her class. And although I don’t know how much my other commitments will allow me to visit the classroom in future, baby girl, whether by coincidence or not, made her sentiments pretty clear through the book she chose to read to me today…

“Mummies are Amazing.”

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#1490 You can always rely on breakfast

What do we do at this time of world uncertainty, unease, lack and limitation, fear and even some would say, global crisis?

Why, you breakfast.

Now, that’s not to downplay anything anyone in the world may be going through in relation to this coronavirus bug spreading. It’s affecting a number of people significantly, yet it hasn’t reached an even larger proportion of people out there.

And let’s hope it doesn’t.

But there has been so much confusion and uncertainty surrounding what to do.

How serious is this virus?

Should we be worried?

Is this all going to blow over before we know it?

And as people fight for toilet paper in the supermarket shelves, clear the aisles of all tinned food, and start to self-quarantine, there is one thing that will never change.

We will always need to eat breakfast.

And what’s better than catching up with some loved ones over such a meal, for a bit of heart and happiness, while everything else around us goes crazy.

It is the most important meal of the day. You might as well start it off right.

Hopefully it makes everything else right. ♥

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#1380 Sister’s drop by

It came at the best time for my sister to call in on an impromptu visit.

She had spotted something on facebook marketplace, without even searching for it, and decided she needed a real-life inspection.

What do you know, it was in MY neighbourhood.

What do you know, when she got talking to the seller, they had A LOT in common.

What do you know… when the seller said something about the Universe bringing you what you need, sis was thinking the exact same thing.

What do you know.

But do you wanna know what is most freaky?

I was looking for a sign. A sign that someone up there gave a shit about me today. A sign that someone was listening. A sign that not all efforts were futile, a sign that some semblance of my life still mattered.

And what do you know… my sister dropped by.

Just like that.

I’ve been having some really crappy days in amongst this late-Spring random cold I’ve caught, and it’s subsequently messed with my head… but all I can say is, the drop by tonight was not only welcome…

It was my mental saviour.

Thanks sis. ♥

 

#1378 Squeezing in the tree on Saturday night

Today was my off day, my break from doing something, anything.

Actually it was imposed upon me. I didn’t choose to catch a cold just before December. But alas Rudolph nose, flemmy throat and snots galore are here to give me festive cheer.

Let’s not forget the bouts of weakness interspersed with aches and pains. Nooo. 

I would have much rather been entertaining family and friends… but shit happens.

I was, and still am, out for the count.

But I got inspired, for a moment. Hubble was going crazy moving pots and plants outside, and then moving furniture inside the house…

So I asked him to take some big bags out for me from under the stairs…

And we put up the Christmas tree! 🎄🎅🤶🎁

Yes, on the 23rd of November, thank you very much.

Baby girl then told me that her school bestie already had put up her tree, and I was like “shame on us for taking so long!”

😉

Before anyone has a heart attack… it’s JUST the tree. The bare basics. I have all our Christmas bags and decorations in corners of the room to tend to throughout the week.

Because this is, a process. A journey. I like to take my time, put the baubles up with care, hang decorations from the ceiling, and light up the walls wherever I go… to Buble, Mariah and Sia contemporarily caroling in the background. 🎶

It is an experience to be enjoyed.

I don’t do it early, just because I want to. I do it because I’m usually really busy in the first week of December. And having done the same last year and put up the tree in late November, I felt so in front, and so organised with Christmas… that now it’s a thing.

Once the tree was up however, I was on the couch passed out again. Just as well I do this slowly…

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#1367 Bathing it away

I’m actually kinda surprised. After getting rained on after school drop off, and having to witness my cat totally drugged out with pupils like saucers due to his new meds… I was almost laughing today.

You know when thing after thing goes wrong, and you literally look up to the sky and say “what now?”

But I amazed myself in my strength. I thought all this crap would have worn me down… but instead, like the main character in my book says “BRING IT ON.”

Maybe I’m somehow channeling her. Maybe I’m gaining inspiration through her fictional self. Either way, I moved on from the crap, and set myself up for…

A blissful bath.

There is always a reason why I shouldn’t have a bath. There are always 58 things I should be doing instead of lying in water, alone, breathing in to my thoughts.

But I’ve learnt by now that time like this isn’t a luxury… it’s a necessity.

So. Candle light. A steaming bath. The meditative sound of a slowly dripping tap, against the backdrop of howling winds outside the window.

Steam rises above me. The air is damp. I sink into the watery cocoon and let it swallow me whole, my body submerged by all that is peaceful, all that is good.

And with it my mind and soul slide into a place where my equilibrium is restored, and everything makes sense.

 

#1349 Finding Mister F again

Let me start off by saying I am definitely a cat person.

I say this because despite that fact, over the 6 months that we’ve had Mister F, my relationship with him has been kind of complicated.

I love him to pieces. Really I do.

But he scratches things he is not meant to.

Goes into rooms he is not meant to.

His fur drops around everywhere.

And there I am, scolding/blocking/picking up after him wherever he goes.

I follow him around so much to make sure he is not getting into trouble, I often feel like his personal bouncer. Only I am directing him out of the club, and not to the private room.

And yet again, despite all this… I was so happy to have him home today. I patted the couch next to me after he had settled a bit after his overnight vet excursion. Mister F had complications days ago and wasn’t well – the vet settled all that, hopefully forever… and when I showed him the spot next to me he happily jumped up on the couch.

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He lay there, the sunlight streaming through the window, white socks resting on the couch, his eyes closing slowly as my hand stroked his head, scratched his neck, and combed down the rest of his coat.

I know he is family now, because he pisses me off… but I still love him.

Welcome back home Mister 😉

#1276 Birthday shopping

Shopping yesterday… and shopping today.

What am I meant to do anyway? Like I am buying a billion things for baby girl’s parties as I run around here, there and everywhere, so it cannot be expected that I will forget about moi…

Not when it is my birthday too!!!

Let’s just say between the last two days, I have a birthday outfit, somewhere. 

Don’t be jelly yet. Motherhood has made my aesthetic thread needs fall majorly to the wayside this year. That and all my recent ills and sores, and I am waaayyyy deserving of some retail therapy.

I am starting to really enjoy birthday month 😊

Too right. 😉