I’ve gone over the above heading repeatedly, both because technically baby boy is now a toddler, but also because even with that fact, I find it really hard to steer away from the baby term, especially when sleep is still so up and down.
But we passed a pretty massive crossroad the other day, and I felt I needed to mention it in case anyone out there needed to hear it.
Although we sought out sleeping help many months ago, which in some part helped – baby boy can self-settle overnight, can fall asleep pretty well in his pram or the car – we still get night wakes, and he’s now dependent on us once again to fall asleep, meaning we need to rock him to sleep.
This is for the main day nap (the morning one is on the go) and at bedtime, and overnight when he wakes.
We fell into old habits. We were used to a certain amount of his fussing, even crying a bit at night when we put him down. But then he would cry more, and we would tend to him more. And we just didn’t like the feeling, of walking away, or hearing him cry for longer than we liked, so we started carrying him more.
The other day I spoke to a maternal health nurse about this. She said although he can self-settle, the reason he still wakes is because the deeper part of his sleep that is longer at the start of the night, becomes shorter as he sleeps, and the lighter part of his sleep goes in reverse, from shorter to longer, resulting in wakes, where he wants to be put back to sleep the way he was, at the start of the night.
By us holding him.
I felt really, really despondent when I heard this. She offered a free service where they could come into the home and help us with settling techniques, routine, etc. I have already gone all through this. I am even fairly confident that my breast issues came about in part from all the stress associated with going through this the first time.
And then I happened to overhear two Mums at the library. At storytime, the other day. One was telling the other about how amazing sleep school is. She said, the secret was simple really.
It involved crying it out.
There was no secret. There is no actual secret. All of these things just involve babies crying at various intervals. Some are gentler, sure. There are more check-ins, pats, etc. But others, as this Mum explained, went up to 20 minutes.
I was horrified. I had been scarred from hearing baby boy settle/cry/scream for 2 minutes, let alone 20.
I am not here to pass judgment, though it may seem that way. I am only talking about my personal experiences, everything I have gone through the pass year, and I can only speak about my baby. Other babies may be more mild-mannered, gentler, adaptable and flexible. They might adjust quicker to these techniques.
Our baby is not that way inclined. He is loud when he wants something, and he lets you know about it.
And we love it. 💞
Tearfully, I told Hubbie about what I had overheard, even the clincher which I hear so much, the Mum saying “they cry because they are protesting, it’s ok to leave them to cry.”
(I bet that if anyone heard baby boy cry, they would not think it was ok).
We decided, together, that…
We just had to suck it up.
I wasn’t going through that settling stage again. Sure, if I felt he was ready, or was in a happy mood as I took him for his sleep, maybe I would pop him in the cot, pat him, sing to him, but only if he seemed ready.
I had to accept, this was our baby, our journey, and this is how it was gonna be.
And I have to say, once I stopped fighting the reality, I felt better.
I felt like we would make it. We can make it. I don’t know how long until baby boy can fall asleep on his own, but I will support him in that. My back may be affected, my arms might get awesome muscles (😁🤦♀️) and my time will be taken, but I don’t care.
We are content in our decision and are supporting one another, and when I think about it… this is all I wanted all along, right? The crying, the laughing, the sleepless nights, the great naps, all of it, the bad and the good…
Because that is motherhood, that is parenting, and that is having a kid.
I wanted it all, and now I got it all. And I am so grateful to be accepting that, finally. 🙏
I rock him now to sleep, and I feel… ok. He will only fit in my arms like this for so long. 🥲💖💙🙏
carcrashgratitude 