It was a beautiful day to celebrate my Mum’s birthday.
You know what made it even better? The weather.
You know what made it even MORE better? The company!
You see this cake? This cake was the BOMB.
You know who made the cake? My Mum. For her own birthday.
She rocked the cake. As she does everything else.
Love you Mum. Thanks for a great day all. 😘😘😘😘
Hubbie and I may have worked today, but come mid-afternoon when we clocked off, we made sure to act like we had been on holiday indeed.
Coffee and cake. 😬
We played Monopoly, which baby girl was OVER the moon about!
He then napped, while baby girl and I read. I actually finished a book!
And then we got really excited watching one of the traitors get banished tonight from the show of the same name… it’s getting to the pointy end!
It was cold. It was rainy. It was windy. I really didn’t care that I had to work today. But yet, doing those slow, relaxing things in the afternoon and then at night with my family…
Having a coffee break. Playing a game. Reading… it was bliss.
It slowed the afternoon right down, and reminded me that we don’t always have to be go-go-going.
We can just sit, relax, and be, be, be in the moment. 🙏💖
So much excess this weekend.
Excess food. 🍕
Excess cake. 🎂
Excess standing. 🧍♀️
Excess baby kicking! 🤰
Excess heartburn last night… ALL night. 😝
Excess fatigue today. 😫
Excess cleaning! 🧹
And so, it totally made sense to take a much-needed afternoon walk…
Not an excess walk, but a walk to balance out the excess. ⚖️
Ohhh.
Now does it make sense?
Yep, back to routine!
(Even if I wanted to eat ALL the cake, the heartburn doesn’t let me!)
I like this photo.
I took it today, while resting amidst shopping for a coffee/tea break with my Mum, and baby girl.
We took her out today for a bit of shopping, and just for a day out. I think often with loved ones, well me anyway, we put a lot of pressure on ourselves to make the day just right, perfect, hoping it will fulfil all and any prior expectations.
But the only real important things are moments like these. Sitting and chatting. Speaking your truth. Feeling loved and supported in a safe space.
It doesn’t matter what you buy. Because time spent with loved ones is the most valuable commodity.
🙏💖
Exactly 10 weeks ago, something huge happened.
It was momentous. Unbelievable. It felt like a miracle.
It was a miracle.
An online dictionary states the meaning of miracle as: “an extraordinary and welcome event that is not explicable by natural or scientific laws and is therefore attributed to a divine agency.”
Well, maybe some parts were explicable, but if you knew the whole story, you yourself would call it a kind of miracle.
A kind of magic, as my friend Freddie Mercury says.
On this miraculous day forwards, I started to let people know in a series of codes that something was up with me, in my life, but by not actually telling them that something was up. 🤔
On the day in question, I called both my Mum and my sister. I wanted to talk to them, to hear their voice, for them to hear my voice. I had planned this, I had planned this all again… if I couldn’t see them on this momentous day, then I would at least talk to them over the phone, and tell them in my own hidden code way, speaking happily and easily, that things had finally turned.
Then I turned on my friends. I deliberately started picking words for my wordle night centred around a certain ‘theme.’ This was also a pre-planned event, something I had thought about for months before it actually happened. This went on for 9 weeks, and only in the last few days have they all found out the news, and my little wordle plan, tee hee hee.
I will now reveal that I also told you. ALL OF YOU. Exactly 10 weeks ago on this day, I started to say something.
Let me take you back there.
I penned a post, titled “Time for a poem.” Now this post wasn’t just marked under my “Gratitude” category, like every other post, it was also marked as “Special Edition” for a reason.
I have dabbled in poetry in the past, that is true. However this was a poem, a plan I had for a long time before this beautiful day came along. I always knew I was going to tell you, you, and you in code, and so I sat down, my mind reeling, my life changed for the better, hesitant and unsure and excited and cautious and scared and every emotion, but also HOPEFUL.
So freaking darn hopeful as I always have been.
And I wrote.
You need to look closely at the poem… I will screenshot it for you now.
If you take the first letter of each sentence (not line, sentence), you will see it spells something…
IMIGHTJUSTBE…
I might just be…
And on the following night, I finished my current poetry slam as I called it. Here are the screenshots again:
PREGNANT.
I MIGHT JUST BE… PREGNANT.
And I was.
I had done the home test the first night, and by the second day where I did my part 2 poetry slam, it had been confirmed via blood test. I was pregnant.
Words and emotions cannot even begin to describe how I felt. I’d been so cautious and nervous and tentative in those early days and weeks, and I think because of this my emotions now spill over, crying from happiness easily, at the drop of a bib, a baby mention, a thought about the beautiful future… all my happiness and love and gratitude is now spilling over.
When I began my gratitude journey all those years ago, I had no idea then that one of my biggest tests was to be this one: falling pregnant. I had no idea what lay in store, and perhaps it’s better I didn’t. I’ve gone down paths I never thought I would, seen people I’d never imagined, felt the depth of human emotion, and wished and hoped and prayed like I never had before.
After that day I kept dropping hints to you all, though these were teeny-tiny! Here are some of them:
In #2363 I wrote about looking forwards and how things were dragging. They were. I was desperate to get to at least 8 weeks (my self-determined first safe spot) and I also wrote about being tired, which I was then… very, very tired. Early pregnancy symptoms.
In #2364 I wrote of symmetry. The entire post is relevant, but my final line I love most: “As if there was ever any doubt.”
In #2365 I was overcome with fatigue and had to lie down. I never lie down during the day unless I am sick… or pregnant. 😉
In #2366 that ‘miracle’ word pops up when I talk about mother nature and sunsets. The metaphor is there.
In #2367 I was at my parents and enjoyed some home-made Sarma, known to non-Balkans as meat stuffed cabbage rolls, and oh my God me and baby loved it. I am loving salty foods from way back then, and the Sarma was just so agreeable to me! OMG!
In #2371 I was counting down, not just to the end of winter, but to telling my family and friends, and to getting to the end of the first trimester. A clue appears at the end of this post: “baby steps.” 😁
In #2375 I saw a heap of rainbows that day. They are a definite sign for me, and seeing the amount of them that I have since finding out I’m pregnant, has confirmed for me how true that is.
In #2378 I wrote “Her surprises.” The presents I spoke of that we bought for baby girl, were actually big sister items, and we told her that night that she was going to be a big sister.
She’s been loving and kissing my belly since, and I already know how lucky this baby will be to have her. 💖💖
In #2380 we saw 4 rainbows…. 4! More beautiful signs that things were progressing nicely. “That HAS to mean that better times are ahead.”
In #2388 I wrote of nicer things that were to come. My last line “At least things are still shining.”
In #2389 I wrote of my love for the Madonna song ‘Rain.’ There’s this quote, well there are many quotes that have actually saved me during this journey, but one that I am able to truly feel now is the quote
“Go laugh in the places you’ve cried. Change the narrative.”
I’ve cried through so many songs, and this song of release, with the metaphor of rain and storms, hit me in a different way.
“The last time I had listened to it I was different. The last time I had written about it I was different. Today, again different. I thought about life, the unexpected beautiful and difficult things that hit us in the face, throwing us off balance, I guess, a bit like unexpected rain.”
‘Life isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass… it’s about learning to dance in the rain.’
🙏
In #2396 I wrote about watching the Elvis movie with two of my friends. I mentioned needing super-comfy pants, and I couldn’t have felt this more. After a filling dinner, and being 11 weeks pregnant, I needed my trakkies so bad, but obviously still was wearing and able to fit into my jeans (barely), so in the dark of the cinema actually unzipped my jeans and popped my button so I could breathe and not be in pain for 2 and a half hours! I don’t think my friends saw a thing. 😬😆
In #2397 I wrote about “Family abundance.” This is the night we told my parents and sister’s fam that we were expecting. Happy screams, shock and wonder filled the air!
In #2398 I wrote “We are so close!” It was the last day of July, and I was excited about August and ALL that it would bring.
“Spring begins to spring forth.
I for one, am sooo ready for this next stage.
BRING IT ON!”
In #2399 I spoke of my love for August.
“Everything in abundance. Happy times, happiness, everything growing in happiness.” (Including my belly!)
In #2400 I said “Just because.” An important blood test came back good, and I was crying from happiness, just sobbing. All the tension and unknowningness and uncertainty that had been plaguing me just went away. I was so unbelievably light and happy.
“I had a really good day. I feel like things are starting to fall into place, for me, for my family, and just living in and appreciating, relishing this every moment, makes me so happy, makes my heart full.”
In #2402 I talked about the cakes that I ordered for mine and baby girl’s birthdays… only thing is, mine was a baby reveal cake! We were going to announce our pregnancy during cake time for our birthday.
“My cake is the one I’m a little more excited about.”
How true that was! 😆😁
In #2405 I wrote “Better here than there.” Better to be busy and running around for something great, than to be like we were the last two years, sad and in lockdown.
“This year is sooo different, and despite the busy-ness and the craziness of it, I am so grateful for it also.”
Well, now you know why it’s so different, and it’s not just because lockdowns are over!
In #2406 I said decorations were off my to-do list, and said “We got some really special, nice ones.”
Along with the baby reveal cake, we got balloons that said ‘Oh baby,’ ‘Baby’ and one that had a young girl and read ‘I’m going to be a big sister.’
!!!!
#2411 was our HUGE day. Our close family and friends finally found out. And at the end of my post, after writing about hope, not losing it, and hanging on, I said it “was a big, and very special day.”
The day after in #2412 we told more people via phone who hadn’t been able to be there, dear family and friends. Therefore, “Spreading good news.” 💖💖
And that leads us to here! This moment, this reveal, this announcement. 🥰🥰
I am beyond happy. I also have a lot to share, and I’m still working out how to say it. Whether I say it via this blogging forum, or whether I write about it in another format, be sure that this is a subject I’ve learnt a lot about, having first-hand experience of all the trials and tribulations, and therefore have a lot of very strong opinions as well as hard facts from my own life.
I will end on this. You never know what is going on in someone’s life. Don’t be nosy. Don’t be rude.
Be kind. Be a friend. Be there for them. That is the best thing you can possibly do. If you do that and they need you, trust me, they will reach out.
I have of tonne of thank yous to make. Many of you reading this will get them in the coming months.
But first of all, for joining me on this incredibly hard but very rewarding journey… a big thank you.
We’ve only just begun. 🙏💖🤰🤰
Yesterday wasn’t just a big day, it was huge.
So huge that even after planning what I would write about I totally forgot and went to sleep. 🤦♀️🤣
(But I still haven’t technically gotten up out of bed yet so it counts as part of yesterday 🤷♀️😅)
It was baby girl’s birthday party, sure, even my birthday party, and it was odd how at polar opposites of the day I was crying.
I shouldn’t even say it’s odd, life is like that. I shouldn’t be surprised anymore. I was crying on the way to pick up the cakes in the morning over how many people had cancelled on us, but then in the evening…
In the evening I was crying completely happy, relieved and grateful tears.
I’m not sharing all, just yet… that time will come. Very soon. 😉😉
But I leave you with this photo. A unicorn and a puppy dog. Rainbows. Magic. Wonder and Happiness and Excitement.
Dreams can, and DO come true. I want you all to know that. I want you all to know from the bottom of my heart, to keep holding on, to keep digging in, being strong, fighting for what it is you’re after, even when it’s hard, even when you’re crying.
Don’t lose Hope. I know all about this. Hope can feel like a bastard, telling you you can do it when all you feel are dark clouds and gloomy skies.
But Hope knows more than you do. Listen to it. You have that Hope inside you for a reason. 🙏❤🌈🥰
Yesterday was a big, and very special day. 🥰🥰
I’m excited, because things are finally falling into place.
Like the cakes.
For two years we’ve missed out on throwing a birthday party for our baby girl, so now, we will have 2 CAKES.
One for her, and one for me. After all, I AM a birthday girl too! 😉
I’ll wait until the birthday party for the proper cake reveal, but I’m excited. I’m kinda over the birthday cakes we’ve had in the past… nothing against them, really, some were really nice. But a lot of the time, it’s just a different flavoured mud cake, or it’s just sickly sweet cream layered between sponges in a variety of psychedelic colours with as many additives in them than anything else.
I’ve gone a little old-school this time. I’ve gone back to my roots, gone European.
I found this cake shop, and these people literally are OUR people. They are from our background, make cakes from our culture. Both mine and baby girl’s cakes are two small cakes sandwiched together, so that there will be four flavours within both!
I will divulge, because some things just can’t wait, and what the hell let’s get excited together. 😁😁😁😁
Baby girl’s cake is one part swiss chocolate – apparently a popular kids cake choice – with layers of fresh cream, sponge, and of course chocolate. Drooool. The other part of her cake is strawberry cream. Again sponge, fresh cream, maybe even strawberry cream, and slices of strawberry throughout. OMG.
My cake is the one I’m a little more excited about. The cake lady recommended I do this hazelnut one, I will call it hazelnut something… she said it’s a real favourite amongst the adults and that it’s a very, very good one. I said sold. She could have called it hazelnut shit and I still would have said sold. (It’s not shit, but you know what I mean.)
The other half is… DUM DA DUM… ferrero rocher! OMG, take my money now!
So she did actually, a deposit. 🤣
It feels good to tick things off my list, even though it feels like there are a million things left to do… but it’s all for a good cause, so I know the next week will be busy, satisfying, and joyful.
And full of cake dreams. 😍🎂🍰😍
Celebrating love.
Sharing our happiness.
Listening to old school tales, revelling in the wonder.
Playing one last song, then one last song… five songs later, and still, one last song.
Having one last drink, then one last drink… five drinks later, and still one more drink. 😆
Eat the cake. All the cake.
3 drinks at once. Because 1 at a time just won’t cut it.
Love these nights. They are truly the best 🙏💖
One of the hardest things we experienced during covid lockdowns was the lack of social interaction.
Moments like these:
Being able to visit family or friends, have fun in their yard, stand in the sunshine, and eat cake and drink Prosecco. 🍹
And of course, chase chickens, as you do. 🤣💖
So grateful to get back to it. 🙏🙏
Happy 2022 New Year everybody!
I will have my cake this year, AND eat it too!
🤣🎊🍻🎂
And I wish the same for you. 🙏❤
carcrashgratitude 