#2629 Happiness in 3s

Number 1. After a not bad block of sleep to start the night on Friday night (about 2.5 hours) baby boy continued the trend and started Saturday night/Sunday morning with 3 hours 20 minutes! Yes! πŸ’ͺ

Number 2. We had another group of friends come over to meet our baby boy, and it was a beautiful afternoon that we shared together. The catch-ups are well and truly beginning. ❀

Number 3. After meeting in bed (once Hubbie had put baby girl to bed and I had put baby boy to bed), he told me that as he kissed her goodnight, he’d told her that she was being amazing and “doing a great job” at home, helping us, despite the often trying times.

And she’d whispered back to him “you are too.”

Awww. ❀πŸ₯°

Then he told me that I was doing an amazing job too, before I told him that HE was doing an amazing job supporting us all, and then we closed our eyes to sleep.

Happiness Sunday. πŸ™β€

#2621 The first visitors

Today we had the first of our baby boy visitors roll in.

(The first visitors after our immediate family of course).

And while many of our fam and friends will wait another week or two before coming over, I was super happy to welcome two of my closest friends over today.

The kids played together, both young, and a bit older… the adults caught up, had d&ms, discussed the past, present, and the all-important future…

And it was a really good space to be in, for me personally. A couple of weeks ago I would have said “I need space” while simultaneously proclaiming “I need to see people!”

But today it was a definite, I need to see loved ones. πŸ™β€ It filled my soul and provided me with much-needed clarity and hope for the future, and now all I need is one more thing, that everyone who saw me today will attest to…

SLEEP. πŸ₯±πŸ˜΄πŸ€£πŸ€£

#2617 Classroom visit

Baby girls school did an ‘open classroom’ thing today. For a couple of hours at the end of the day, their classrooms were open to parents and carers to come and visit and see what the students had been doing.

This timing was perfect for us. Hubbie has Tuesday afternoons off work now, and I of course am off work for an important, entirely different reason other than rostering… plus I have been going stir crazy.

So we went to visit baby girl’s classroom today. Hubbie, I and her baby brother tagging along. πŸ₯°

We pushed the pram into the classroom and baby girl saw us and ran to us! She was so excited, jumping up and down, calling her teachers to tell them we had arrived, with her friends excitedly milling around to get a glimpse at her baby brother.

We had a great session placing our thumbprints on a classroom family tree, playing maths games with her, and almost everyone, including the principal who stopped by, was leaning over to catch a peek at baby boy.

It was a special afternoon, more so because we were all there TOGETHER. πŸ’™β€πŸ’™β€

#2613 Post-partum musings and survival

My, how things can change in a day. Both for good, AND bad.

Parenthood is a rollercoaster. Yesterday I was laughing about my newfound love of MAFS, feeling confident at my combined 8 hours of sleep from mid-week (broken into 5 blocks of course), and I also totally smashed out the evening routine… after I fed baby boy and put him down, he lay there happily looking about, eyeing out his owl mobiles on the cot, while I did the dishes, unloaded the dishwasher, made some rice, and got almost all of dinner underway, as well as putting on washing and taking it in.

I was so pumped, I very nearly decided to walk to a cafe with him early morning, but alas it was near feeding time and you cannot delay a newborn’s meal time.

Alas, today, the complete opposite. Overnight was hard. So very hard. Combined awake time for 3 hours, and then after a very short nap, baby boy woke, extremely irritated, fussy, crying. Nothing seemed to appease him.

Perhaps the worst of it? My mental state. I had reached my limit. After 3 weeks of lacklustre sleep, I could barely keep my eyes open. The fatigue was debilitating, and I was struggling not just with that, but with the mental capacity to hold him, tend to him, keep him happy, work out what was wrong, etc.

Today when he wouldn’t stop crying as I tried to prepare my breakfast, I kinda lost the plot.

I had reached the end point. I couldn’t do it anymore.

I get emails from COPE, and have been since I was registered with the hospital where I had baby boy. They send information relating to your stage of the journey from pregnancy, all the way to the 4th trimester, post-partum with baby. It stands for Centre of Perinatal Excellence, and I have been enjoying the emails, taking refuge and insight into information that might be helpful to me.

Today though, the email topic was about self-care. I could’ve laughed if I didn’t have tears running down my cheek.

‘Surround yourself with a village, to help you achieve much needed self-care.’ Reading that sentiment, I never felt more alone.

Feeling physically isolated is one thing. But feeling the emotional isolation is a whole other damning ball-game. I don’t have the luxury of people stopping in, providing me with relief, support, a shoulder to cry on. Everyone is too far. everyone is too busy.

People think that the days surrounding coming home with baby are the most important. In many ways, people crowd you and are there all at once – then promptly leave you alone to your own devices.

Your mental thoughts, and your very, very tough, devices.

Don’t get me wrong. I have had much support from friends and family around me… via text. But my situation is damning in more ways than one. Because I can’t be bothered, I’m tired, I don’t know what to say… yet at the same time I need someone so bad, someone to puncture the monotony of the day, to make the helplessness go away.

The baby blues are a real thing. Could it be more? I’m not sure. My mood from starting this post to the end has already shifted, and so it goes that of course my hormones are still going a mile a minute, heading in one direction before promptly putting on the brakes and heading elsewhere.

Some people don’t know how easy they have it. One influencer I follow on social media who had her baby boy a month before I did, posted an honest account of how she looks so put-together so soon after giving birth… she said it’s only because she has dozens of family, friends, all kinds of people coming in and out of her house, helping her with the baby, helping her get by.

She has a village. Many, many people don’t.

I never felt so alone as I did after reading that. I had Hubbie for just over two weeks, but he needs to work. He had to go back to work this week. And I am left struggling and balancing the physical and mental load of caring for two children, one who is finding his way in the world, and then there’s me, who is struggling finding herself after wanting another child for so long.

The baby blues don’t discriminate. Depression doesn’t discriminate with what you wanted, who you were, where you are. your age, your hair colour, whether you write a gratitude blog or not.

The nights are long… and the days follow suit. Sunlight is there, but what use is it when you are cooped up all day in the house, tending to a crying, fussing baby?

I love my baby, so, so much. But three weeks of physical and mental exhaustion, and I am so, so tired.

So, where is the gratitude here? I’ve nearly survived a week. A week where Hubbie has been back at work. It has been incredibly hard. I try to remind myself that this time now is the hardest… maybe we will get relief at times… maybe things will regress, again.

The unknowingness has me rattled. Has me stressed.

I know I have made it this far. It’s just fucking hard. And to think, I prayed for this for so long.

Again, depression doesn’t discriminate.

#2599 Just wanna say thanks

I have so much to thank Hubbie for, but I also have other thanks to give.

I’ve had a circle of dependable people around me during my pregnancy, and most importantly, they’re still around.

Especially in this last week and a bit. My sister. My cousin. My friends. You know who you are. I’ve been up and down, had countless questions and concerns, bared my soul, and gotten nothing back but support and a ‘you can do it’ cheer squad.

It means the world, and helps me feel less alone… in the tiring moments. At the end of the day. When I’m finding it hard to grasp to anything positive in the future… these women have been my rock.

Thank you so much. 😘πŸ₯°πŸ₯²πŸ™

#2556 Girly and sweet

I had some recent good updates on my pregnancy and progress today, so I gave myself the allowance…

for indulgence. 😍

I had some mummy-daughter time with my princess today, where we went to the Main Street and I said “you choose where we go!”

She wanted to sit in a cafe for babycino and coffee… and some other things.

I said indulgence, didn’t I?

The girly and sweet theme continued into tonight, with a dinner catch up with my besties. I tell you, nothing fills up my well as much as being around my people, and they definitely fall into that category.

And, following lead from earlier, right after dinner…

More sweet. If you know how ‘good’ I’ve had to be, you would seriously applaud this, trust me. 🀣

It occurred to me at some point today that it was at that exact Pancake Parlour booth, 6 months ago, I was 6 weeks pregnant, seeing my friends for the first time after finding out that fact, and holding onto this big baby secret which was so exciting but still so early to share.

And tonight, 28 weeks later, same Pancake Parlour, same booth, same friends, lots of thanks and gratitude, but stronger love. πŸ™β€

It’s all come very nicely full circle, and I can’t help but wonder two things:

Are all these girly and sweet vibes trying to tell me something? A theme for the future perhaps?

Second, seeing as the catch ups have come full circle, I don’t know if I’ll make next months catch up… I think baby will come early!

I’ll just have to host the catch up at my place… with the new addition close by, of course. πŸ₯°

Now that’s sweet. 🀱

#2535 The pregnancy massage

Today I cashed in on quite possibly the best present I’ve gotten in a long time.

Especially now that I’m pregnant.

One of my oldest besties gifted me the best and most appropriate KK this year… a pregnancy massage.

I was lucky. Having only realised recently what days I had off in the next week, today’s appointment only happened because someone cancelled, and I was on the waiting list, he he he.

It was BLISS. The masseuse had a firm touch, so she really worked out all my muscles, but generally just lying there in a state of relaxation, while you know, baby belted me from inside… πŸ€¦β€β™€οΈπŸ€°πŸ€£πŸ€£

No, really, it was bliss, the boxing and ALL. πŸ™πŸ₯°

#2533 Next year

Despite all of this recent crap Wintery weather, in Summer of all seasons, Hubbie and I had plenty of reasons to be excited and anticipate the arrival of today.

And no, it hasn’t got anything to do with baby (although that is a blessing in itself, every moment of every dayπŸ™)

No, this was about baby girl. πŸ₯°

Today was school transition day, the day they found out who their teacher would be next year, and also, who they would be with…

This year has been an interesting one to say the least. A couple of friend troubles have popped up here and there. And despite things mainly looking to be smoothed over in the last couple of months, the inevitable happened today.

The little friendship group she’s been a part of has finally been SPLIT UP.

This has been the same group since prep. And as of grade 4 next year, it will be only her and another old friend, but not the other one.

She is really happy. Not for the other friend going elsewhere, I don’t think so anyway… but she is excited. She is rapt with her teachers (she has two sharing the teaching load next year) and her one friend who she is with.

I think this is a good thing, for ALL of them. As I said to her, it doesn’t mean they can’t hang out during recess and lunch, or see each other outside of school, have play dates, etc. It might even make their friendship stronger… absence makes the heart grow fonder, right?

I was never with a friend for so long in a row at school, for 4 straight years. She’s had that with both of them. I think it’s super healthy to make a bit of a break, albeit with one of them, and make some new friends, give themselves an opportunity for new relationships, see where it can go, and see what else is out there!

And if they find their way back to each other, all the better for it.

I am looking forward to a happy, healthy and productive 2023 school year for baby girl. πŸ™πŸ’–

#2526 Listening to the girls

One of the nicest things you get to experience as a Mum, is when you are still privy to your child’s conversations.

Let me explain.

I picked up baby girl along with her friend from school today… definitely a well overdue raincheck for all the times her Mum helped me when my car was broken down weeks ago.

And I loved it.

I could hear their lingo. Hear them talking about friends, stuff they do, what they like… catchphrases, like ‘Ya,’ (but a dragged out “yaaaa”) and the infamous one most parents would know by now, ‘Bruh.’


Then after a bit of a play at home, I took them back to school to engage in this Kaboom Sports activity thing for the whole school, where kids ran around, and parents sat on picnic blankets and comfy fold-up chairs and had a chinwag amongst each other.

The girls had gotten changed at home. Put on pretty skirts, tops both tucked in, and then pulled out, just that little bit.

I think they wanted the engagement, to be amongst friends, rather than wanting to play in any sports… but they did both.

It was nice getting a window into their world today, as they talked, joked, and mucked about.

While I am allowed to hear it. I am blessed. πŸ™πŸ’–

#2515 KK ’22

After a truly crazy week, I had something great to look forward to tonight.

KK with my bestest girly pals.

I took this photo before I left. I literally was wrapping and writing cards up until I left this afternoon, and had been organising presents from as recent as yesterday.

It’s been a mad week. Sick, no car, working, and appointments, all on top of each other fighting for my attention, while me with my baby brain went from room to room, feeling lost, needing a constant reminder of things, 55 tabs open in my head and wondering why it is I walked into that room?

But it was all good. It all led to something sweet in the end. πŸ’– We had a beautiful night, enjoyed a yummy meal, exchanged presents, and it’s true what one of my friends said, it’s never enough time when we are together. πŸ₯°

Just as well one of the gifts tonight was a calendar where we can pencil in monthly catch-ups together… now that’s a great idea! πŸ˜πŸ˜πŸŽ„πŸ§‘β€πŸŽ„