I think it’s the onset of Spring, and the increase of milder weather, that has seen our family getting more active as of late.
And to all of you Mother’s out there: I know. I feel ya. Totally. I only started trying to get into some kind of exercise routine once baby girl started once-a-week kinder sessions this year, so I know, it’s hard. Even more so when you want to get fit again, don’t have the luxury of uninterrupted kid-free time, and you just don’t know how you’ll fit it all in.
But I say one thing to you: try.
The first time I decided to do my Zumba workout with baby girl in the room, she did not let me have it! Whinging, complaining, crying for my attention, grabbing my leg, standing right next to me so I had to stop what I was trying to do, in fear of knocking her out in the process.
I felt horrible, deflated, and guilty. All normal feelings as a Mother, I know. But I just felt shit.
Shit for not succeeding.
Shit for making her cry.
Shit for trying to have a life for a short while other than that of a Mother.
I don’t even know why a week later, I tried it a second time. I think then I had decided I had to give her something, and my phone with kids playing with toys on youtube, was the perfect antidote.
It actually was.
She sat nearby, watching videos for 30 minutes, occasionally looking up at me and saying “good job Mama!” as I huffed and puffed.
Aww this girl. She melts my heart.
She also asked about 7 times during that period if I was finished – “not yet” I’d respond breathlessly. “5 minutes.”
Is what I said every 4 minutes.
Lately though, a further change. I tell her I’m doing some Zumba, and she goes and gets the DVD for me. Pops it in the player…
And then starts to workout, with me.
It’s something I never would have expected, especially back when she was practically crying for my attention. It’s such a hard place to be in, because of the horrible Mum guilt you feel when they want you, and yet you are trying so hard to reclaim that old, personal part of you, and move towards something that both helps, motivates, and inspires you to be a better person – and meanwhile they are still crying in the background.
It’s not like they want your attention once a day. OMG, that would be easy-peasy. No. It is a hundred times a minute, and it is constant, never-ending, and fatefully ongoing, every second of every hour of every day of every every every every DAY.
You are their greatest idol, and they your greatest cheerleader. You wouldn’t have it any other way. But it is still, hard.
So today. I am warming up, doing my moves. I take off my socks so that they don’t slide on the carpet. She too stops and takes off her socks. Then, I take off my hoodie because I am getting hot. She stops and gets my help in taking off her jumper, so she is only wearing her long-sleeve singlet.
And we are there side-by-side, me and my Mini-Me, reclaiming carpet space and dancing in Latino bursts.
She only lasted about 5 minutes before growing bored and wandering off to play with Peppa Pig Lego and watch TV. But those 5 minutes were pure gold. I was chuffed.
And not only is it cool to have a little version of me prancing around to Zumba, but it is nice to know that our healthy habits are rubbing onto her, and setting good examples for her life ahead.
So she is now letting me exercise, doing it herself, and we are both happy?!
That is a whole lot of gratitude there ♥♥♥