#808 The day is over/don’t listen to no one

Have you ever avoided something, or anguished over a certain future unavoidable event, to the point that it made you unwell? Stressed beyond belief? Incapable of rational thought?

Has anyone ever told you not to go to a certain place, because their perception of it was simply base and unfavourable?

Well this happened to us, and we still went. And it was the best time of our lives.

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Port Douglas, Mossman Gorge. One of the most beautiful places on earth ♥

Has anyone ever spoken badly about someone else to you, and painted a pretty crappy and shit picture of them to the point that you really didn’t wanna know the person?

Well, yes, this has happened to me too. Fortunately I give people the benefit of the doubt, in doing so giving certain naysayers no power with their hurtful words. Some of the most rewarding and happiest relationships come from listening to your heart and not taking heed of someone else’s words from their sad and displeasing life.

Has anyone ever told you about a bad experience they had… and said “it hurt like hell.”?

Well, yes. Yes this happened to me. And this person didn’t know at the time, but I was due to go through this exact thing. And it happened to me, today.

There is no greater realisation than when we discover that other people’s words, are just that… WORDS. Their experiences and points of view can be completely accurate and factual for themselves, and yet they can be so far from true for US, that it can be difficult to distinguish if at times, both parties went through and saw the same thing.

Went to the same holiday location.

Spoke to that same person.

Had the same awkward procedure.

Opinions can vary wildly, yet be completely accurate for both.

I was reminded of all of this today when I was delivered unscathed from just this procedure. I had built myself into the worst state possible, that I questioned why I was reacting and dealing with it all so horribly. Why? I had gone through worse! Was it the build-up? The not knowing what would happen? The horrible and endless possible scenarios?

Or was is the “it hurt like hell” remark?

I should know by now, really I should. This post is not just a gratitude post about all of my stresses about this day ending, but it’s a reflection and appreciation that all of our personal experiences, of people and places and things, vary so wildly, that honestly, it is perfectly okay if none of them are ever the same.

And that’s okay. That should make us feel better, not worse.

Honestly, NEVER EVER EVER EVER EVER take anyone’s words at face value, please don’t. They are them.

And you are YOU.

And today, I was ME.

 

#783 I’m coming home

I realised just a short time ago that I left the house for work today at 7:30am.

I got home after that same day’s work, at 7:30pm.

It was purely of my own doing. I only left so early today because I didn’t want baby girl to hear me leaving home and get upset, so I made sure to leave at a time I was sure she’d still be sleeping, and then spent the first 90 minutes of my work day eating weetbix, reading emails, writing, and looking at ‘coming soon’ movies online, before my shift ‘officially’ started.

And it was a good day, but a long one. It was intense and pressure-fuelled, but I had a great work colleague to coffee and muffin with, and also to assist with some work-related duties too 🙂

And yet, as I jumped into my car and soon entered the freeway, joining the endless array of cars also cruising down the M1, I had the biggest sense of relief as the weight that was today, started to lift off of me.

I was coming home 🙂

 

#715 Dancing in the Summer rain

I thought I was hilarious last night, when I considered messaging Hubbie from work, with the quip “I’m considering putting my cardigan on.”

That remark was so hilarious, because I was in air-conditioned coolness, almost too much of it hence the quote, while Hubbie and baby girl were at home, sweat literally dripping down their bodies.

I got home after midnight to a 27 degree night minimum. Not just at our house, the heatwave was State-wide. And upstairs I went, to the bedroom of our double-storey house, to eat ALL my Karma, as I proceeded to have the most restless and muggy sleep ever.

It wasn’t just the heat. It was the possibility that baby girl would wake up again, because she had woken up once with Hubbie, and then with me when I got home, all heat/dehydration related, and then of course there was a HUGE huntsman on the outside flyscreen outside one of the upstairs windows, and even after Hubbie hit it from the inside so it wasn’t staring at us while we slept, I spent the night freaking out over the spider somehow getting inside, and baby girl waking up again.

Like I said, I ate ALL my Karma.

In the morning, a cool change was promised, but there was no sight of it, as I walked around the still-humid house, tired, deprived, exhausted, and slumping around in my sogginess.

So at about midday when I heard a familiar rattling, I interrupted baby girl’s chatter.

“Shh,” I said. “Listen.”

We both went quiet as I heard the all-too familiar sound of increasing rain on the roof.

“It’s raining,” I confirmed with relief. “I’m going outside.”

She followed me silently, perhaps because she couldn’t believe her ears and what I had just said.

But when I stepped out the back door, some of the rain hitting my head, and asked “are you coming?” the pause from her, was all incredulous and excited wonder, rather than stunned hesitation.

She broke into a smile, and followed happily.

We celebrated the rain, and her excitement only increased the longer we were out there, and the more I spoke gratefully for it. We let it fall upon us, not caring for the wet splatters and spots upon our skin and clothes – it was refreshing and cool and necessary.

We then headed out into the front yard for some more cool relief, and she yelled happily as she observed the raindrops everywhere – on the car, the roses, the plants, and the window.

It was a brief and light rain spell, but it did the trick. We were invigorated, alive again like the garden was after such a hot night, and most of all, we were free and one with nature. Only the best way to be.

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#546 After the party

Today Hubbie and I were in FINE FORM.

It was a sunshine-y day. There was NO PARTY. No family, and no friends about.

We pumped the music LOUD. Actually, from two stereos – one from his car in the garage as he stored away spare chairs and tables from inside and tidied up from that end of the house, and me with the inside stereo, throwing up the volume as I washed, and cleaned, and tidied, and sucked every pesky crumb from the carpet I could find as I vacuumed with such jolly, ALL OVER THE PLACE.

And we couldn’t have been happier.

Because as much as we love throwing parties – damn it’s good when it’s over, your house returns to some sense of normality, and suddenly, the pressure is OFF.

No rush, no stress, no freaking pulling my hair out.

Just memories, a lot of mess, and ahh moments.

Ahhh. ‘Til the next birthday…

#445 Silence

Everyone is in bed. My ears have stopped ringing, accustoming themselves to the absence of sound, the only noise coming from my fingers crawling across the keypad.

That is all. I am so relieved and content right now.

#322 Re-commencing the holidays

Our holidays have been on hold since my Dad was taken to hospital several days ago. And even though he was discharged yesterday, I was still busy with both him and Mum today, organising many other things for them.

I would run to the side of any of my immediate family members or close friends who needed me, whether due to health, heartache, or general ‘help’ reasons. And I am so grateful that Dad is now doing better.

But I can also say that I’m grateful our holidays are starting up again. We went out to dinner tonight, and it was great to do so with such satisfaction and relief, knowing that not only did Sis and I do everything we could for our parents these last few days, but they are both getting looked after and WILL be getting better. Things ARE actually, genuinely, on the improve.

Which means my last few days of the holidays, will surely be on the improve too.

(Exhale).

#321 Freedom from hospital

I walked in and out of hospital a lot today.

Re-park the car. Get some coffee. Get some food. Make a phone call. Re-park the car.

Repeat repeat repeat.

And in that time, I saw, A LOT. People getting wheeled in on beds, masks over their faces. Wheelchair-bound patients, angry looks on their faces. Elderly people sitting side by side, hunched over in their solitary hospital room. The sound of pain. The look of helplessness. Tiredness. Despondent eyes. Clinical walls and grey grey grey, EVERYWHERE.

My lips did turn upwards too, though. I remembered with weird fondness, as I looked up to the familiar flight of stairs, how over 3 and a half years ago I was in the midst of such pain, only to be met by the most amazing, beautiful and curious eyes in the world, in the immediate aftermath.

I saw babies. I saw mother’s and father’s carrying their own. I looked at little children, the adult hands they were holding, and a part of me was happy.

Despite my thoughts, I was still happy to be able to move in and out of the hospital as I pleased, to not be bound by ill health or medical necessity to require a stay, no matter how short or long, there. And it was twice as nice when I walked out late afternoon, with both Mum, AND Dad beside me.

He was discharged today. An unexpected happiness that we are so happy about.

I know there is a tremendous amount of positivity and amazing acts performed by the medical staff in hospitals all over the world, but seriously, I’m just glad that I was able to leave the premises today. With both my parents.