#2974 With relieved, fresh eyes

It’s amazing what one decision, what the concept of ‘letting go’ can do for your entire being.

Ever since Hubbie and I surrendered to the fact that baby boy needs more settling for sleep than we ever expected, a huge weight has lifted off my shoulders.

Now that I’m not questioning our every move, and trying so hard to get him to change, now that we have changed our minds… I am feeling incredibly lighter.

I feel like my world has changed. Like I have fresh eyes.

It’s not to say that it’s not hard when he wakes up at 4am and I need to rock him to sleep again… or when it’s his bedtime and he is wriggling all over the place in my arms, finding it hard to get comfortable as I remain as I always have, and he keeps increasing on his 9kg.

But with letting go, comes acceptance, comes just allowing things to unfold as they are. And there is a great beauty in that, in just letting things unfold, trusting things will be ok, and not trying to control every little outcome.

I can enjoy things again. Knowing this is how it is, I am enjoying much more of my days, the little moments… surrounding him in kisses, impromptu dancing, tickling on the couch.

Just today during the morning pram walk, I decided to put away my phone. I usually hold it in my hand to check the time and gauge what time we will get back home (and make sure his nap runs to time). But minutes after he had fallen asleep, I put my phone in the compartment under the pram, and trusted that I would get home at roughly the right time. 🙏

I’m kind of revelling in this new stage of life, where I know that things will be challenging – that is a fact without a doubt – but I am enjoying the challenge, enjoying my baby, enjoying my girl, and enjoying my family, with all the ups and downs and exciting and funny and interesting and testing moments that come with it. 🥰

#2938 Back to the scene of the joy

I had to return today to the place of much happiness this weekend.

There were chair covers and vases to be picked up, and my sister and bro-in-law met me there too to help pack it up.

When we would visit before the christening, there was this excited air of anticipation about the place… how would it be? Would it be as we envisioned, as we hoped?

Today as I returned, it was just relieved bliss. I could see our memories playing out on the dance floor where we celebrated, the deck where so many of us relaxed in the surrounds, the golf course where we walked and took photos and video.

I’m grateful that this place is so close to home, because we can return as often as we can, to remember this most wonderful day, and enjoy it now, for all it was, for all it truly became for us on our blessed son’s christening day. 🙏

#2937 Reminiscing the day after

It’s probably the most relief you get, the day after a big occasion.

And as much as the day itself brings you so much joy, you get just as much joy living back the beautiful memories of your special day.

The first half of the day you spend with your other half, remembering tid bits, stories shared with others, dances danced, sweet and heartfelt and crazy and happy moments, all celebrated with people you love.

It’s the happiest feeling. Re-living the happy memories out loud with loved ones, or in your head as you go about your day to day.

The day after is very sweet. That’s what this life is about. Acknowledging what is important, and making the most of those moments with the people in your life who bring you joy.

I’m grateful to all those who make my memories sweet. 🙏🥰

#2909 Christmas Eve relief

This Christmas Eve looks a whole lot different to ones past.

Firstly, the thing I am perhaps most grateful for at the moment is the diagnosis I received today. I’m grateful because it’s one I haven’t had before, and fingers crossed the mastitis (yikes, yes) that the doc says I have will be killed with the meds I rushed down to the pharmacy to get this evening.

So yep, things are different on a Christmas Eve with a new bubs in tow. 🙄🤦‍♀️

But there are the other things too. Like, it’s baby boy’s first Christmas. He doesn’t know it, but we do.

It’s also the first year as a family of 4… the first year that baby girl has a little brother to celebrate this most festive day with… the first year that I am more hopeful and grateful than ever, for the little things:

Family. Love. Peace.

Health. Sleep. 🤣

I am finally on the couch after a truly hectic day. I am eager to see baby girl’s and baby boy’s faces tomorrow morning as they open up our presents to them, but also as they get to see what Santa has gotten them this year…

The happiness and laughter will fill the air, but I will feel it more if my health continues to improve, as nothing makes you more grateful for good health than feeling poorly for so long.

But I think what will be most entertaining, is this simple fact: baby boy will have more fun with the wrapping paper, and trying to eat it, than he will playing with his new toys.

No wait. I know for a fact there are a few plush toys in there that he will love cuddling. 🥰

Loving where I am this year, this time, this Christmas Eve, with my beautiful family, my beautiful kids. With everything else upside down and uncertain and all… I still love it. 🙏🎄

#2896 School pick-up time

I LOVE school pick-up time.

Not just because I get to see my baby girl again… but I get help again.

Today was the perfect example. Baby boy was having a particularly bad day (after last night’s difficulty, following yesterday’s great day – stuffed if I can predict what the day or night will bring 🤷‍♀️)

So it was a greater relief than usual when baby girl walked up to him today, calling “squeak!” to have him finally break into a big smile.

🙏🙏

Thank God.

And you know what’s even better than help with a fussy baby after school?

Help with a fussy baby ALL THE DAYS because there are only 7 school days left!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

😁😁😁😁😁😁😁

#2879 Waiting for the change

At the start of the day, so much was going wrong.

I was physically unwell.

I felt distressed and alone.

I had no help.

Baby boy was screaming at his midday nap.

It was all too much.

But then… 2:30pm, relief hit.

Silence after his lunch nap.

Picking up baby girl from school, and baby boy’s extended car nap. 💪

Seeing his face when he finally saw his big sister. 😁

Physical relief! 🍏

Help at home!

Hubbie coming home!

Putting the star on the Christmas tree! 🎄

And so, I must remind myself, no matter how difficult some days may begin, often a little change kicks in and changes everything.

I just gotta wait for the change, and remind myself, there ALWAYS is one…

I just have to, as Hubbie said to me in his sms today –

“Hang in there.”

🙏💖

#2699 The biggest feels

I’ve got a lot of feels after this weekend.

Happiness, and tiredness, amusement and relief.

The biggest feeling though is the one when I look into baby boy’s eyes, we connect, and he gives me a great big gummy smile that would melt the iciest of mountain tops.

And that is of deep, deep gratitude.

I am blessed. 🙏🥲🥰❤

#2676 My girl is back

I am sooo happy. Sooo relieved. From the moment I woke, I was counting down the hours ’til I picked baby girl up from school after being away at camp.

Finally the hour arrived. 🥰🥰

I started a bolognaise sauce this afternoon so she could have it with spaghetti for dinner – her favourite. It’s not a hard recipe, but everything becomes harder with a newborn… yet I didn’t care. I wanted to spoil her on her day back home.

Then I went to grab her some bakery treats before pick up… another job not usually hard, unless you have a baby.

But I didn’t care. I held him in my arm, pushing the pram with the other when he cracked it. Then I carried him to the school, all the way to the classroom, to see my girl.

And she went straight to baby boy first, lol. But that’s alright, I kinda like it like that. 😍

I was nearly crying in the car, telling her how much I missed her! This was our actual conversation:

“I missed you so much! Did you miss me?”
“No.”
Sad laugh. “OK…well we missed you so much.”
“I know.”

🤦‍♀️

Ahh, kids. Keeping you humble since the beginning of birth. 🤣

She did go on to explain later that she didn’t miss us because she was too busy doing all fun camp activities. And she was super grateful for the spaghetti bolognaise and bakery treats.

I’m so happy to have my girl back. 🥰😍

#2590 Baby boy

Elated. Relieved. Over the moon.

And so very, very tired. In the best way possible. ❤❤

We met our little prince today.

Meet, baby boy. 🥰🥰😍😍🥲🥲🙏🙏

#2532 Falling into place

Slowly, slowly.

For ages I was stressed about the barn door for the baby room. As soon as we booked the job for January, I felt a massive weight life off my shoulders.

But that hasn’t been all. Remember it’s been 9 years since I’ve had a newborn, and so we had to think REALLY hard about where we had stashed certain things.

The monitors. The baby chair. The baby bouncer.

How did we get the play mat to play music? Where were the batteries located?

How the hell did I close up this pram? And where was my oh-so-important coffee cup holder that went alongside the pram?

Where was the baby bottle steriliser? Was there even YouTube instructions on how to use it?

Thankfully for me, all of these things have been solved in one way or another. Most importantly, that coffee cup holder for the pram was FOUND. 🤣☕ (Priorities).

The monitors work.

The baby chair is in the midst of a DEEP CLEAN.

The baby bouncer looks perfect and is just waiting for a cute bottom to fill it out.

The old play mat plays music, and we worked out where the battery compartment was after an extensive google search and then an accidental search and find on our own. 🤦‍♀️

Hubbie helped me close the pram up… I still need to practice that one.

The coffee cup holder is waiting.

And there are YouTube video instructions on using the portable steriliser.

BUT… one little, but big thing, was bugging me BIG TIME.

The tripod.

Why would I be troubled over a tripod? Well this tripod, originally used for Hubbie’s camera oh-so-many years ago, it actually housed the monitor we used for baby girl’s room.

There is a screw underneath the monitor that can easily fit onto the tripod, and then by tilting the tripod up and down and extending the legs to the perfect height, you can get the monitor at the perfect position so that it’s watching baby from the best view possible.

This was our Godsend. We had no nearby furniture where we could place the monitor on in baby girl’s old room, and in this room now, baby’s room, the same applies.

We needed the tripod. But where was it?

I looked in many places, but ultimately I knew that it was in a place I hadn’t ventured in since we moved house, 6 years ago… I know this because I have gone through all cupboards and wardrobes of our house, cleaning out and decluttering many times, so I would have known if I had stumbled across said tripod.

I hadn’t stumbled across it.

It had to be in a really weird, odd place, if we just didn’t go there, AT ALL. After cleaning out the shed yesterday of some old stuff, and then Hubbie assuring me it wasn’t there or in the garage, I told Hubbie the above (“I haven’t come across it at all during our 6 years here”) he came up with the most perfect idea for where it could be.

And he was bloody right.

It was with the portable cot. Not zipped within it like he had suggested, but sitting on top of the large bag, camouflaged against other grey and black items, accessories for the portacot, that stray pram coffee cup (that I knew was there!) and then of course, this folded up tripod.

All along. But the portacot was so big, I never picked it up, even whilst folded. That was Hubbie’s job, and so he literally would pick it up, plop it here, and then there, and then wherever else it had to be stored…

All the while, the tripod sitting pretty amongst it all.

I was SO HAPPY! I can’t tell you how happy it’s made me to find this tripod, just another piece in the puzzle of having all of baby’s stuff come together.

Another weight, lifted and floating away…

There’s just one more thing though. We need a wardrobe for baby’s room.

Watch this (baby) space…