You know what’s better than a fresh spring walk around the block?
Well, a fresh spring walk around the block, that leads to a park!
Today was park 4 out of the 5 within our 5kms. It was spur of the moment, as baby girl and I were chasing sunshine-y spots in the late afternoon sun along the footpath, and I knew that taking a longer route, would also lead us to the very well lit up park not too far from home.
She was all too happy to take that detour. 😁
I’m just so tired of being in the box. Of being in the box known as home. Gee, I love our home, and what we have created, and what we are creating…
But shit. You need a break. I need a break.
I wanted the sun on my face.
I wanted to feel the early evening chill start to settle around us.
I wanted to feel the cold seep through my clothes.
I wanted to move my body, and stretch, and look upwards, shield my eyes from the sky, hide from magpies, and look for the regular neighbourhood cats that we just know would be friends with our mate Mister F if they lived closer.
The really sad thing about this lockdown is the unavoidable mental stress and anguish many people will experience in some form, without even knowing it.
I know, I’ve had a lot on my mind. But I didn’t realise how much, until I stepped out of my box today.
My box, being the house.
I had some errands to run, and the last of them was grabbing some things at the local safeway on our way home.
But I had a surprise up my sleeve.
I’d seen online that Ferguson Plarre had some decorate your own cookie kits for kids, where you got 6 shortbread biscuits with jam, lollies, sprinkles, smarties and icing, for you to decorate and dress them up as you like…
Dress them up for your belly!
It wasn’t just a last-minute surprise I wanted to spring on baby girl. I wasn’t sure if they would have any of these kits left… but sure enough, I was lucky.
Baby girl literally squealed and jumped up and down on the spot as I bought it.
She decorated her heart out.
We sat together as she used three types of icing, placed lollies on the cookie, placed lollies in her mouth, ate a couple smarties, put some on the cookie, then ate a whole lot more.
Then she tipped over the sprinkles on the floor, but, eh.
(Note to parents, never leave an open sprinkles container on the edge of a table).
But she was happy. I was happy. Was it the do-it-yourself cookies? The takeaway coffee, with caffeine suddenly coursing through my veins?
It was a bit of both. But I had placed it already.
Baby girl and I had been out. We had been normal. I’d had a change of scenery, and without realising it at the time, it had meant the world to me.
I hope you’re all doing okay out there. And it’s okay if you’re not.
Just do what you can. Day by day. We’re all getting through this.
You may feel alone, but know that we are all alone, together.
This sucks for us ALL.
And if the opportunity presents… try to throw as many sprinkles into your life as you can.
We all need that shit as much as possible right now.
Every so often my daily calendar tells me exactly how I’m feeling.
I turned the page over later in the day… so when it told me what I was feeling, after I was already feeling it… I thought it was more than coincidental.
100%. I couldn’t agree more. And I did find something tangible to be grateful for.
This picture baby girl drew. Of a mouse. I was not my usual self, and when she showed me this picture, the last thing on my mind was observing and admiring a picture of a so-called mouse… as she called it, “a different mouse.”
But the colours and intention and creativity got me, and it made my lips curve upwards.
But sometimes it’s not the tangible things that grab our heart. I was also thinking of quotes that didn’t jump out at me today, and this one came into my mind:
“A problem shared is a problem halved.”
And that is the biggest truth for me today. Sometimes we don’t need a quote to come along and literally stare us in the face… sometimes that quote is inside of us, telling us that truth, ALL ALONG.
The second part of this proverb? It’s the part I love the most:
The day was fine. I felt fine. There wasn’t necessarily any major pressures.
The one thing actually missing was the homeschooling, but I wasn’t actually missing it in ANY shape of form.
But I think the start of the school holidays may have played some part in my weird feelings.
I still don’t know for sure what it is, that made me feel unsettled, off, incomplete…
But I have a few ideas.
It’s school holiday time. Usually I take time off and have a full schedule as we galivant around the state, going to attractions, meeting up with family and friends, and just generally having fun.
None of that is happening at the moment… I am working from home, and even if I wasn’t doing that, we aren’t allowed anywhere anyway.
None of the usual places are open. Almost nothing is allowed.
Today was a warm-ish kinda day. Knowing the week ahead falls in temp again, and we didn’t make use of today by going out for a walk, or to the park… Well it sucks.
So I had to do something. I had to change it up.
I started to move again.
Back when covid started, I was becoming more active, taking more walks around the block with baby girl, hell, sometimes running after her as she careened on her bike over rises in asphalt, as I tried frantically to catch up.
Still, I was running.
I was moving.
Winter fell, and the days grew colder. The lockdown and subsequent isolation, grew in length. The walks and runs around the block became more infrequent, and instead I turned to yoga. A regular practice began, and even though I wasn’t huffing and puffing, I was still doing something…
I was still moving.
But then a month ago, an infection struck. And due to the nature of it, I stopped everything.
I felt shit. Knowing I had been doing something good for me, mind, body and soul, and then I had to stop it abruptly, was actually quite painful emotionally. It was really difficult to grasp, but I realised my body needed some kind of break, so I gave it what I thought it needed…
Today though, I realised it was time to start again.
I did the yoga. I didn’t realise how much I missed it until I finished, and I felt…
My mood had improved.
But I decided to take it a step further tonight. Hubbie has been on a major health/workout kick since covid began, and he has very clear goals for where he wants to be when we get out of it… he has structured nights for different types of training, and work outs, and tonight was his push-ups and sit-ups night.
And I joined him.
But, baby steps, baby steps. When you know yourself well, and how you work, you have already won. I know that I don’t deal well when faced with a major challenge. When a task feels so huge that I don’t know how I will do it, I tend to give up easily.
I know I have to give myself little goals. Little itty bitty teeny weeny goals. It’s how I approach writing. And it’s how I’m going to approach this movement thing.
Not exercise. Movement.
So I did it! If someone had been a fly on the wall tonight, they would have seen me, Hubbie AND baby girl (because she thought it looked like fun!) on our hands and knees, huffing and puffing and doing sit-ups and push-ups.
When I start small, I am more likely to achieve.
But I don’t think I’m that unique. I think we’re all like that, right?
Anyway… I’m filling the void in a positive way, and looking forward to making little progress.