#230 Bittersweet Northern memories

How wanting to move away from the North has made me feel more bittersweet than relieved, nostalgic rather than happy to put it all behind me, and wanting to hold onto the memories made here, rather than turning my back on them forever…

THE POST

Everything I do lately is the last time. Yesterday was the last time I dropped baby girl off at my MILs to get ahead on some much needed packing at home. 15 minutes and I was home again.

Today the same deal, but this time she was at my parents’ house for a couple of hours.

Drive 10ish minutes.

Drop baby girl off.

Drive 10ish minutes home.

Spend 4ish hours packing and setting up new services.

Drive 10ish minutes to pick her up.

Soon, home!

This will NOT be possible anymore. That was also the last time.

Baby girl pointed to our local shopping centre as we drove past it today. I said “sorry honey, I don’t think we’ll be going there anytime soon.”

I don’t think she fully comprehended my words, but she sighed despondently, matching my tone.

Even I’M going to miss that centre.

She cried when I didn’t let her go to the park near my parents’ house today. She was trying to run off and I grabbed her: she was over-tired, and in the usual toddler way, she didn’t wanna admit it. She screamed and cried as I put her in the car, and I realised, her park visit was not going to happen again. It last happened a few weeks ago.

I hadn’t realised then, THAT was the last time.

I’ve been hoping to take her to our local park before we head off. But sadly, with all the craziness of this week and the insane impending craziness still to come, I think that won’t happen.

When she befriended the local boy at the park a few weeks back, kicking the ball with him back and forth and then following his Dad around the ground as he talked on his mobile, the kids running around in the Spring sun, I hadn’t known then, that THAT was the last time.

And when I walked around the block with her, sometime in August, thinking of our future and where we might be at the end of the year, not knowing what was waiting for us around the corner… I didn’t realise THAT was also the last time.

The last time is EVERYWHERE. When I drove to and from work last week, I thought to myself ‘this is the last time I get there from this side of town.’

When we had baby girl’s birthday a while back… that was our last big party here. The last time here.

When the local fire station had their annual raise money campaign at the beginning of the Christmas season, with their ‘Santa’ walking through the streets beside a Fire Truck singing ‘Jingle Bells,’ I didn’t know then as I held a terrified yet oddly curious baby girl, that that would be the last time we would see them.

I’m thinking of the neighbours around here who are nice. The ones that don’t mind when baby girl and I walk over to their front yard and let her pat their dog/cat. It’s been done countless times, and yet was such a common occurrence, that I never bothered to think ‘could this be the last time?’

I know very well that this may not be the last time, FOREVER. We will still frequent the area, visit my parents and their park, go past the old house, maybe even visit our old shopping centre… but not having the convenience of having it easily accessible, just makes it different. And plus, we’re moving, moving on… which makes it feel all very final. It just won’t be the same.

I’ve been looking into it all, A LOT. You see, I’ve always wanted to move. But it never meant I hated where I lived. Being in a townhouse for 7 years, meant that eventually, very quickly, things got cramped. With the arrival of baby girl, we were finding areas to store things in places that I didn’t realise could store things. And now on her last birthday, as I shoved away all of her presents in the spare room, I realised that we had purchased a new home just in time: we were literally walking around piles of stuff in there.

So, I’ve always known this wasn’t our forever home. We always wanted something more. We wanted something more for so long, that I started to wonder if we would ever get it.

And yet now, amazingly, as we go through this process feeling unbelievably happy and blessed that our plan is underway, I am feeling a profound sense of bittersweet nostalgia.

Because even though I’ve always wanted to move away from here, we have still made memories. We moved in here after we got married. We brought baby girl home from the hospital in this house. We’ve hosted a good number of big parties, dinner parties, stayed up ‘til all hours with each other and guests, talking and having D&Ms and dancing in the kitchen and singing our lungs out.

If these walls could talk… they would tell you a lovely story. A really interesting and sometimes insane one, yet one with an underlying positive message.

I hope these walls continue to convey that message and send that energy to the next lot of people about to come in here.

I love all the memories we’ve made in our Northern suburbs home, and I love the area… even though we’re moving away, and even though we’ve always wanted to move away.

Because, it has a piece of my heart. Previously, presently, and always. When you make beautiful, life-changing memories like we have, it’s hard not to leave your heart with something.

So, what am I grateful for? I am grateful, that although we are moving away, and we have always wanted to, the feeling I hold is not of ‘good riddance’… it is of happiness, and fond memories, and beautiful stories, things that we can look back on, and smile in contentment. Always.

A disclaimer between #229 and #230…

Because, moving process, I currently don’t have internet. This means that some lengthy posts I had planned to post this week will be accumulating and sitting in a folder on my laptop, being unread.

So in light of this fiasco of internet non-connection, I’ll still be posting my daily blog post title, followed by a very short summary of what it will be about… to be filled in with my actual post at some point, hopefully no later than next week…

I promise, I will not cheat. These posts will exist daily, albeit on an offline folder hidden from your view, ready to be seen and read… sometime soon. Hopefully.

Now I will go because tapping a screen on my new phone, no matter how fantastic it is, becomes tedious after a while…

And all this because when I said “organise disconnection for Friday,” the phone provider thought that to mean “commence immediately!”

Can’t live with them, can’t live without them.

#229 Lip-smacking kisses

Up until recently, when baby girl gave a kiss, it was a gentle press against the cheek. So sweet. Soooo sweet. But in the last little while, and tonight in particular, she’s learnt how to do the smack of her lips when giving a kiss.

Lean in – smack!

Lean in – smack!

It is the most adorable thing. It makes me feel all lovey-dovey and tingly inside. Of course Hubbie and I made a big deal out of it, so I received like 5 in a row, to my absolute delight.

Oh, those lips. Those kisses. I can never get enough. 🙂

#228 Bedroom wrestling and cuddles

Today we did something that only even really happens on a Sunday morning, or a Wednesday one, and even those days don’t guarantee the fun that can ensue…

We wrestled.

We cuddled.

And baby girl was in the middle of it all laughing that infectious giggle of hers.

When Hubbie isn’t at work, and we all wake up at about the same time, I love pulling her into bed with us. She is excited. She roughs up the sheets, hides under the covers. We talk about the day ahead. The night before. Plans and conversations. We eat/tickle/bombard her in between with affection, and quite seriously, it is the best way to start your day.

Jumping around in bed with your family.

Au naturel.

Messy hair, pjs I don’t care.

Love and laughter, making memories the free, cheap and easy way.

With love.

#227 Meeting the locals

We went back tonight to the Bay Hotel, a place I wrote about in a Food Review after our visit to the Peninsula earlier this year… and also consequently, it was about a week or two after that beachside stay when we came home from our respective workplaces, turned to each other and said “why don’t we actually do this?”

Sea change.

We’ve been to the Bay Hotel a handful of times now, but as it is in a cosy beachside location, you start to talk to, and get friendly with the staff. We walked in tonight with the MIL, and it was lovely to be greeted warmly by two staff members there, one who remembered us very well, asking “have you moved yet?” and then later the boss-man walked in and shook Hubbie’s hand, looking over at the game baby girl was playing on my phone.

Not only did it make me feel all cosy inside, but I felt welcomed… not just by these people in the restaurant, but it felt representative of all that we will encounter, all that will cross our path, and all the wonderful adventures waiting for us at the beck and call of the Peninsula.

I gotta say, I’m loving the locals. They are awesome. Bring it on 🙂

#226 The keys

Today, I received these:

So many emotions have been had today. Sheer joy. Relief. Tiredness. Elation. Appreciation. Excitement. Wonder at the World.

Deep Heartfelt Gratitude.

Because although we now have the keys to our Sea change home, I am even more grateful for the things behind the home that really, truly matter: health, family and happiness. Those three important things, both prevalent and intact in our lives, are what really matters and what is making the obtainment of our special keys, that much sweeter.

They are the real keys to life. Every other key is just a bonus: whether it be a car key, house key, holiday key, or work key. Or any other key. All these keys are sweeter when you have your top 3 present in your life.

So, I’m rapt with the house keys. Of what they mean to us. And they mean so much more because I know how lucky we are to have, what we have…

I am expressing a profound sense of gratefulness today. I really am humbled.

#225 Falling into place – Kinder

I only put in the late application last night. It had been the first kinder we had visited at our Sea change destination, yet it had made an impact on us – the teachers were warm and friendly, the room was filled with kid-fuelled, inventive and funny nik-naks, and I immediately felt like baby girl would love it there.

However, I felt the need to research some more – surely the first kinder we visited wouldn’t be the right one straight off the bat, could it? I had to be sure.

A few drive-by inspections, and another kinder visit yesterday, told me that often you don’t need to do any further research. Sometimes you should just go with your gut, regardless of what else is out there. We spoke to a lovely lady from another kinder who said that spots were tough to come by at this stage of the game, so I took her kindly advice and applied for the first kinder we had seen.

A phone call this afternoon: baby girl was offered a spot. I happily accepted, then got off the phone to jump up and down with baby girl telling her she was going to be painting to her hearts content next year. Her cheeks were rosy and bright, from being outside all day – in my parents yard, and at the park I had frequented so much as a child. The thought of painting endlessly thrilled her.

Later during her nap, as I was being appreciative of how easy it had been in the kindergarten application process, a song came into my head. As I hung her clothes to dry on the inside clothes rack, I smiled as the words filtered through:

Que Sera, Sera

Whatever will be, will be

The future’s not ours to see

Que Sera, Sera

I used to find a strong affinity with the song as a child. Dreaming, imagining, wondering what my future would hold. I would hum the words to myself as I played in the park, thinking deep thoughts that I’m not sure a normal 9 year old would think.

Who would I marry?

What would I become?

How would my children be like?

What would I do?

Being a naturally inquisitive person, the questions posed in the song (will I be famous, will I be rich, here’s what she said to me) reflected my own curiosities and doubts, fears and wonders over life and what would come in the future. But in the end, no matter how much I wanted to know, anything, the words of the song rang truer still:

The future’s not ours to see.

Funny how things work out? Today as I remembered the lyrics:

Now I have children of my own,

They ask their mother, what will they be?

As we are on the verge of so many life-changes, with moving house, moving lifestyle, and now our baby girl going to start kindergarten next year, I wonder what her questions will be? What will I tell her? Will I be honest, or will I put on my rose-coloured glasses and paint the world a vibrant rainbow?

I’ve always swayed heavily between two lines of thinking, two ways that are directly opposite one another and yet BOTH that I believe to be true.

1. There are things that are ‘meant to be’ in life
2. We control our actions and our futures

They are highly contradictory thoughts, and yet some things in our life I believe we can’t escape, yet simultaneously I believe we can do what we want to do…

I’ve always imagined having a beach house, but it was always just a silly fantasy, wishful thinking. I never really put any kind of plan or action into it, ’til the start of this year. And in very little time, we made a purchase, and are now moving.

So did we make that happen, or was that meant to happen?

All my beach house, silly references throughout life… was that me attracting the beach house to ourselves the whole time?

Or was that meant to be, and the Universe was throwing me snippets of our future forecast before it happened?

I still don’t know, and I don’t know what I’ll be telling baby girl in years to come. I think I’ll be realistic, yet I’ll inject a good dose of romanticism and wishful thinking, because you know, as I say to her:

Reach high for the stars, and follow your dreams. You can achieve whatever you wish for.

I honestly don’t think that that line of thinking could harm anyone.

…

I am grateful that so far, things are going smoothly, and this kindergarten process has gotten off without a hitch… almost like it was meant to be.

But, ‘whatever will be, will be.’

 

 

#224 Baby girl’s new bed

After much to-ing and fro-ing over what kind of ‘big girl’ bed to get for baby girl, I decided I had to go with my heart.

I’m all about storage you see, so when I was previewing kids beds online and reading about trundle/under-bed storage, I was excited. But also, I was really into the material-type, elegant/princess-looking headboards of other kids beds, which consequently and unfortunately for me had NO under-bed storage at all.

Storage, and ok bed, vs. no storage, and beautiful bed…

Tick tick tick.

We went to a variety of bed shops which just seemed to have the same kinds of kids beds, over and over and over again, just in a variety of sizes/colours/styles/materials. It was overwhelming. It was mind-boggling. I just wanted a nice bed, and none of the 523 we saw in the one Sunday made me go “ahhh, that’s the one.”

I remembered a bed I had seen online, and checked out whether it had a showroom – 1 and 2 – whether the showroom, if in existence, was based in our city.

Yes and yes. Sigh.

So today, I walked into said store, found said bed, and ordered said bed very confidently in about 20 minutes.

I love the bed. I would have no issues sleeping in her bed myself. Here is a sneak peek:

The bed, the bed. The rest of the pic is divine, but it’s just the bed we have… for now.

Tee hee hee.

Now we just need to get baby girl, who has only ever slept in her cot, to sleep in it…

I will take any suggestions, really.

But I am grateful that I was able to find a bed that I like for her, and that it exists in real life, and not just in my head.

Sometimes storage isn’t everything. Seeing beautiful things with your eyes, makes you happy, even if you don’t understand why…

 

#223 JB Hi-Fi

Quite simply and frankly, I am rapt to have bought the last copy of the Ricky Martin album A Quien Quiera Escuchar at my local JB…

Because, if I had had to shop around, or even shock horror! order it and wait for delivery, that would have delayed the insane satisfaction I had in blasting it on repeat when I got home earlier today.

Reason for current and sudden want/need of above album? Check yesterday’s post.

Oh, and it’s Ricky, so you know.

And now I must Adios…

#222 Going loco for Ricky Martin

My colleague didn’t send me a link for a Ricky Martin clip this morning – no, rather he sent me a clip saying “I know you like latino stuff, and like (love) Ricky Martin, so here’s a song…”

In my head, through my eyes, all I saw was this

Ricky Ricky Ricky

like I was in some self-imposed hypnotic coma. I clinked on the link and it took a while to realise ‘no, Ricky does not make a special appearance in this other dude’s clip.’

It was some other dude, singing a song. He was alright. He was no RICKY.

I, if you haven’t guessed it yet, have LOVED Ricky, since I was, oh about 13. It is a long-standing love affair. I happened to see him before most of Australia did too, since I was overseas at the time and anyone who’s ever been to Europe will know that often songs are released a good few months before arriving here on our shores. I saw this man and went “oh my.” Even at the tender age of 13, I was saying ‘oh my.’

But it wasn’t just the way he shook his hips or the way he sang the song made out to my middle name. Or his devilishly good looks. Or his smile. Or his charming personality. Or the fact that you could feel the warmth of his disposition in his interviews. Or the hair. Or the physique. Or the hips (I said hips didn’t I?)

Ok, so maybe it’s all of these things. I’m being cheeky I know. Seriously though, what started out as teenage lust, has turned into something so much more.

I really do love the guy.

My first concert was his first Australian tour back in 2000. I was 17. Since then I’ve bought his albums, listened to his music, both Spanish and English ones, learnt a fair bit of his native tongue inadvertently along the way, and just last year I had the pleasure of seeing him again on tour, for the second time.

I still love his music. He is very safely in my list of top musicians… you know, the few musos you have that no matter what style of music they go through, you still love their tone, their current experimentation, their voice, and their lyrics. You love what their music does to you. You love how it makes you feel. You love the story it tells you and the way the pictures dance magically in front of you as the strong yet gentle voice caresses its way out of the stereo…

Stop. Ok.

Now, I’m not the only one, as most of Australia fell in love with Ricky when he appeared on our version of The Voice. Even straight men are like “I love Ricky.” Like, seriously. He is just amazing. People who don’t know him think of him as that guy who sings poppy commercial stuff and shakes his bon bon around all day long while dancing in the rain on top of a car. No (although that would be a sight). In fact, Shake Your Bon Bon is one of my least favourite songs – I don’t like it one bit. I feel like it paints a very inaccurate picture of his musical talents and scope. The people who don’t look beyond the commercial stuff don’t realise that there is a world of emotion and meaning and seriously funky and upbeat latin tunes just waiting for you to discover.

In line with his caring nature, he has also been heavily involved in his own foundation against child sex trafficking, a cause that needs no further emphasis to prove its importance. Not only is he a talented man, but he has heart, he has compassion, and above all you can tell that he is a genuinely good soul.

I can’t begin to tell you which of his songs I love most. I love so many.

(La Bomba, Spanish Eyes, She’s All I Ever Had, Lola Lola, Pegate, Private Emotion, Drop It On Me, Asignatura Pendiente, Raza de Mil Colores, Besos de Fuego, Almost a Love Song, Stop Time Tonight, Save the Dance, Cambia la Piel).

Ballads. Upbeat percussion beats. Swoon-worthy songs. Dance ’til you drop songs.

But what happened this morning has had me singing Adios in my head repeatedly.

Without going through the whole story, I basically came across Ricky Martin performing the song Adios on the American Today show recently. It stayed in my head and then today after my colleague mentioned Ricky in a comment (albeit his link didn’t contain Ricky, but it was all the ammo I needed) and with the knowledge that it was a quieter than normal work day, I looked up more clips of the Adios song in question.

Where has this song been all my life?

Well, actually, where has it been for the last two years? I couldn’t believe it had been released in 2014, and I was just learning about it. Some Ricky fan I was.

And then I remembered – 2014. I was raising a tiny human then, a pre-1 year old. I was forgiven.

So, the video has been viewed in both English and Spanish version by ‘moi’ today, a combined total of at least 30 times, and that is no exaggeration. I am obsessed. I need this song in my life, at full volume pumping up the jam and hassling the neighbours to no end. I need it. And the above mentioned song comes from an album that I also had no idea about (MASSIVE FACE PALM).

So tomorrow you know what I am buying at my local JB HI FI, don’t you?

This current Ricky song obsession, is just further proof that he is a stayer, of musical proportions, and hu-manly proportions, and all other proportions in my life, FOREVER. I haven’t even gone into proper depths, on the impact this man’s music has had on my life, as this post being written pre-midnight just would not do it justice.

I’ll just need to be grateful for every Ricky song ever made for the length of this blog’s existence… my whole life.

And what makes this relationship even better is that Hubbie totally agrees with me that he is pretty cool… he likes his hair.

Whatever it takes.

I’m in love with Adios right now… but with Ricky, it’s always hello.

😉